Day 5: A motivational quote and what it means to me

“When you come out of the grips of a depression there is an incredible relief, but not one you feel allowed to celebrate. Instead, the feeling of victory is replaced with anxiety that it will happen again, and with shame and vulnerability when you see how your illness affected your family, your work, everything left untouched while you struggled to survive. We come back to life thinner, paler, weaker … but as survivors. Survivors who don’t get pats on the back from coworkers who congratulate them on making it. Survivors who wake to more work than before because their friends and family are exhausted from helping them fight a battle they may not even understand. I hope to one day see a sea of people all wearing silver ribbons as a sign that they understand the secret battle, and as a celebration of the victories made each day as we individually pull ourselves up out of our foxholes to see our scars heal, and to remember what the sun looks like.” ― Jenny Lawson

I have spent many years thinking I should stay silent. I felt that my fear of the unknown, the way I constantly think and feel in my head, isn’t normal. That I am alone and no one truly understands me. It has kept me in this dark hole. Sometimes I even spiral and feel more lost than ever. Sometimes I feel “human” and happy, whatever that consists of. For the most part, I feel like a burden because of the feelings I have and mood changes I get from them.

This quote means something to me because I don’t want to remain silent anymore. I want to help myself, but also I want to help others. I want people to see they are not alone and if you don’t have any of these feelings then great! I’m happy for you and I hope one day I am like you, but I have a feeling that mine will never go away. If this is something I’ll deal with everyday, then why not bring it to life and praise myself for making it another day.

I hope this is the beginning of a blog that helps so many others see their potential. Mental health doesn’t have to define us. It can be manageable and even healing by talking. We can have our own little tribe or big tribe! I’m ready for this journey.