Update: I wrote this back in December and never posted it. I’m trying to get back to do this blog again. I fell sight of it again unfortunately. I want to be better.
Every time I get up in the morning to prepare for work, I know it is going to be chaotic. I know I am going to be drained, both physically and mentally. Emotionally, I will be defeated by the end of the day.
How do you even prepare for days like that? What are the coping skills for your career to be better when there is no fix you can personally do?
I can’t rid the pandemic or let everyone get back to their normal lives. I can’t save everyone so that they can be home with their family for the holidays. I can’t let my patients see their loved ones if they are COVID positive and even if you aren’t you are only allowed one visitor per day (normal business hours). I can’t let them feel safe by holding their hand while they are being intubated because my PPE covers me completely.
The human touch is essential in life and I am covered from head-to-toe not able to take care of my patient’s mental needs from holding their hand or just simply sitting down and talking. I can’t breathe in my PPE for too long and most of the time my patient can’t breathe enough to carry a conversation with me.
This isn’t just about people staying inside, wearing their masks, washing their hands, and staying safe. For me, it is so much more. It’s about protecting your loved ones. It is about making sure they can spend another holiday with you. It is about these patients not being isolated. Isolation and having absolutely no one affects your entire being. These patients cannot get better without support and love. It is scientifically proven that regardless of how you feel, we need people. We need social interaction, touch, love, and support. Without these things, we cannot thrive in situations like we are having with this pandemic. We will continue to lose people.
The real question is, how do we fix this? As a country, what is the answer? What do you think the answer is? Do we stay home until it “blows over”? Do we all just say forget it and go out, get the virus and make our own antibodies for it? Do we ignore the help of the vaccine and not trust it because “they made it too fast”? Or do we try to protect ourselves and our loved ones? Do we decide that dying from this virus isn’t worth it? Regardless if it is from the actual virus or many things that lead to the virus with the virus helping us to die.
No one wants to isolate. No one wants to feel like they are “grounded” from doing what they have or need to do. It is simple really. Don’t isolate yourself, that’s fine, but wear your mask. Do not get into anyone’s personal space. Wash your hands. FaceTime, Skype, call, or whatever your loved ones especially if they are at risk for not surviving getting the virus. Respect other people and their rights on how they look at this virus. I will tell you this, it is real. Regardless of what the media is putting out there or if you are one of those conspiracy theorists (no shame in that some of it is very believable), it is real. People are dying daily. If they aren’t dying from the virus, they are dying from the stress and depression of it. Patients are coming in because they are drinking themselves to death trying to cope. They are so depressed that they have given up on the healthy habits they used to have. Chest pain leading to heart attacks from anxiety. Depression causing physical illness and making it hard to work.
I am so ready for this pandemic to be over with. I feel like a slave to it. I have never felt so emotionally and mentally drained from my job. In turn, physically it is hurting me also. I am not coping effectively. I know this. I feel this. I love being a nurse, but I have considered taking a break for awhile for this purpose. Losing patients is the worst part of my job. I feel helpless right now. I am tired of looking my patients in the eye and telling them they can do this, they will be okay, they have to be strong when I can barely do it myself. I don’t know how many times I had to hold back my tears watching a family decide to take their loved one off life support or calling their husband or wife to tell them they took a turn for the worse when I just got off the phone with them. You want to give them all the hope in the world and you can’t. I want to promise them I will help fix it, but I can’t.
I am sad for our patients right now and I just want this virus to go away because regardless, it will be the cause for all the bad things happening in healthcare right now. I hope this vaccine works. I hope we can be “normal” again. Until then, everyone please be safe, keep in contact with your loved ones and let them know how much they mean to you, and most of all take care of you. Take care of your body, mind, and soul. We need you here. You are important.